Sunday, December 16, 2012

Don't Look Away! Your Boy Is Watching!

I want to give you some importnat pice of information that you may have not noticed. There is neuroscientific research about newborn boys, that genetically boys are programmed differently than girls.

Any mother desires to look into her baby's eyes as soon as the baby is born. Gazing into your baby's eyes is the most significant moment. And all the mother wants to do is to keep gazing....

Well, the boys are genetically programmed to look into your eyes, check you out, make sure you are mom, or dad, and then look away. Boys keep and direct their attention in a different way than girls.

Boys, who are becoming men, are a programmed for protection, and hunting. They have to be fast and they have to be checking out the environment. That's why they look away, to protect. Then they always return their gaze to you.

Usually, and unfortunately though, the majority of moms already also took their gaze elsewhere. You are not looking at me, I am not looking at you. So the boy returns his gaze to his moms' but she is busy elsewhere. By the time they are 3 months old, they are already habituated the inability to keep deep and prolonged eye contact. And with this, the inability to deep emotional connection, understanding, and compassion.

The girls are different. Girls are programmed for gathering, nurturing, mothering. They gaze and gaze and gaze into your eyes since birth. They are able to watch you for hours, sharing exchanging love. Due to the genetic programming, girls are emotionally open to compassion toward another since early age.

Then they both grow up. And one day, on the first date, she wants his emotional openness, and he is gazing away, checking things out. It's not that they have different goals, just different genetic imprint.

Help your son to regain this ability to significant eye contact. Allow your baby to have all the possibilities and all the love you stared for him so far. Gaze into your boy's eyes, even if he looks away, and when he looks away, keep looking at him, so when he returns his eyes to yours, you are here for him. 

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