It's All In The Language

It's all in the language. Whatever you want happen, you name it, and that's what goes on.

A recent mom from my Hypnobirthing class followed my exercise to create her Ideal Birth. It's about when the labor starts, how it goes and how she behaves in it, in the narrative form.

Her birth was going to start on Saturday. That's what her story told. She was going to visit with her parents in their country house in New Jersey, for a day, to spend some nice time at the beach, (it was a summer day,) and after that she would return to labor at home with her husband Jeff. On Sunday, in the morning, she would be dilated 8 cm, and with her doula, she would go to the hospital. At 3pm, she notes, "My boy comes out happy and calm. We are all elated and celebrate by smiling and hugging."

Loui came out at 3:15pm that Sunday.

Maria was indeed elated and very serene throughout the whole scene.

When Jeff, her husband, called me to share the news with me, and she got on the phone, still excited and elated, I asked her admiringly: "How were you able to pull that off?" She said simply, "You taught that it is all in the language, didn't you? I took it to heart and... to ear and practiced with my baby."

Turns out she created that story Ideal Birth with incredible detail, as required by exercise. Each night she asked her husband to recite it to her, and she relived each detail, each motion, each movement, each emotion, each word of it with heart. She cried each time her baby was born, each night, with happiness. She revivified how simple it was for her to keep calm, because she breathed deeply, and relaxed seriously. Her body learned to relax so deeply, her mind let go so completely, that each night her husband Jeff told her the story she lived the story of her birth, with surges, with changing positions, with arms around his neck in virtual dance, with baby quietly listening to the story over and over.

It is no wonder when labor started the only option her body new was to move through the motions of the exercise. In her pre-conditioned over a period of weeks body, and mind, the only option to her behavior was what was described in the story: Calm, peaceful, focused labor deep breathing through surges, concentrated determined relaxation.

But I am still at awe, what our mind can do. I have been teaching hypnosis for over a decade. I have taught this exercise to hundreds of coupes. More than 90 per cent of my couples had a great birth because of this exercise. Yet, I am still in fascination about the power of our mind.

Dr. Imoto, a Japanese doctor, did an experiment. In one petri dish the monks poured water and whispered to it loving words, angelic wisdoms, and then froze the water. Perfect crystalline structures were the consequence of that experiment. In another petri dish they poured water and whispered ugly, hating words to it, and after freezing that water, the broken structures without rule came out.

Positive words have power beyond all limitations, influencing human behavior beyond belief.

Negative words have power as well, and they influence human behavior too. Only which ones are more useful to the outcome we want?

Would you rather have anger or calmness?

Pain or pleasure?

If your answer is calmness, or pleasure, what are you willing to give up in order to have that? Would you give up bad habits, indecision, and doubt in favor of enthusiasm for practice conditioning your body and mind once or twice a day with a set of positive action suggestions?

In my HypnoBirthing class, I often suggest, that in order to have what you want, you must decide to have it. Many say, in labor, I want to have as little pain as possible. And look, our brain works this way: as soon as you say the word pain, your attention is on pain, searching for it all over your body, and.... finding it! Thinking about it multiplies the sensations.

Instead choose to use your imagination and create the scenes of your favorite places. Like one mom-to-be knew she can't have the conditions for her labor in the way she wants, and she learns to use her imagination, with visualizations of the beach, warm sunshine and ocean caressing her belly, conditioning her brain with neurologically useful exercises for increased production of oxytocin. 

Listen to what Amber, the birthing mom from documentary Orgasmic Birth, had to say: "I knew I had to choose between pain and pleasure, and I kept choosing the pleasure, and thinking about it, made me feel pleasure deeper and deeper. And then, Nassim [husband] and I had out most mushy kiss, and I became so soft, and the waves of softness just kept coming through me, with pleasure, almost orgasmic kind of pleasure, until I could not contain it anymore and I just let it out, and that's when the baby moved all the way down."

The other day I heard from a couple who didn't want to practice. In the class they said, neah, we both are so busy, have no time, this class is just for the information. Mom-to-be is a very busy corporate person, and dad-to-be is away on tours much of the time. Their consensus was that it is enough to read the book. At week 35 of her pregnancy mom went on a business trip to LA. Well, the baby didn't like such attitude and turned breach but instead of relaxing and taking care of the baby's position using hypnosis, the c-section was scheduled. To avoid difficulties, allow yourself to relax more often and learn to follow the flow.

We use language in a habituated way, often without noticing what is being communicated. Start paying attention to what you say to yourself and others, as a simple way of controlling your own hypnotic suggestions. 

I am here to educate you about your opportunities and choices, and to inspire you to take steps to have what you want, so your baby has the experience the baby deserves. It is important to begin exercising your parenting skills way before the baby arrives. Then the whole new generation of well adjusted, easy learning, caring and compassionate leaders emerges from the peaceful and calm birthing experience you have.

-- Morrin Bass, PhD 

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